Guilt and nostalgia

Since my milestone birthday this past June, I've found myself thinking a bit more about my past, specifically my relationships - romantic and friendships.

I will say, I appreciate nostalgia; I love when random memories are evoked through a scent or a song. Are you a nostalgic person? Do you often find yourself strolling down memory lane, thinking of the good times, or dare I say, the shoulda coulda woulda times that you kind of regret? 

I sometimes look back and think, "ugh, I wish I didn't do that," or "I really wish it didn't happen that way," or "OMG I seriously hope [she/he] doesn't remember that." I find myself regretting specific actions from when I was younger, in high school and college. I catch myself dwelling, ruminating, simmering in the feeling of discomfort and guilt. Realistically, when I step out of it, I can see how pointless this is. However, I've also noticed that through this admitted self-torture (which I do not recommend!), I've started putting the pieces together.

I see now that I used to need the attention of other people, and that I derived my self-worth from the attention I received from others. It was a sign of poor self-esteem as well as a product of my environment, sure. This lingering guilt from nostalgia stems from this, and perhaps causes some lingering feelings of needing to please others or have them view me in a obsessively positive light.

It took some time soul-searching and connecting with my interests (not what was cool or trendy), spending time alone and with my stable significant-other (now hubs) to begin to build myself up; I needed to turn inward and identify who I was, not how I wanted others to perceive me. 

Since reconnecting with yoga, I've been able to learn more about myself and feel comfortable with my identity and my soul. I recognize that not everyone connects with yoga, and I promise I am not trying to convert anyone to do so! What I would like to imply is that by really allowing yourself to discover your interests, go inward, connect with your self and soul, connecting with your passions on a deeper level, you can start to really appreciate the lovely uniqueness that is Y O U.

Life is too short to let other people dictate who you are and how you should act. You are an amazing unique human creature with so much potential and so many qualities! Embrace them and let that light shine!

- S